Kim Kardashianis speaking candidly about the body-shaming she says she experienced during her first pregnancy.

While appearing onKristen Belland Monica Padman’s podcastWe Are Supported By, the 40-year-oldKeeping Up with the Kardashiansalum opened up about the scrutiny she faced during her pregnancy with her first child, daughterNorth West.

“I was not a goodpregnantperson. I was not a cute pregnant person. I did not like it,” Kardashian explained. “I hated it. I hated how I felt. I hate how I looked.”

“I was so used to seeing my mom pregnant, my sister pregnant and everyone looking so cute and having these easy deliveries and life was great and they snapped right back. That wasn’t me,” she continued, before noting how the media “brutalized” her while she was with child.

Kim Kardashian West.Chesnot/WireImage

Kim Kardashian

“It was really, really crazy,” Kardashian added. “I don’t think it would really fly today, but it killed my self-esteem. I can’t believe that this was acceptable and that this was okay.”

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kim kardashian

Kardashian said the experience left her feeling insecure.

“I would sit at home and cry all the time,” she continued.

“I had this condition called preeclampsia and I didn’t know that I had it. It’s over-swelling in your feet and face. I had to deliver six weeks early with an emergency delivery and then I had another condition called Placenta accreta with both of my babies. It was insane.”

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“We didn’t have a gym or anything and I was too embarrassed to go to a gym because I didn’t want people to look at me trying to lose weight,” she said. “I gained 70 pounds. I would sit in my mom’s garage and it was literally probably 115 degrees in Calabasas in the summertime. I’d have my daughter in a stroller and I’d sit her in there and I would just workout in the garage and try to do anything I could until I did it.”

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Overall, Kardashian explained how being in the public eye while pregnant changed how much she wanted to share with the world on social media, adding, “It changed me as a person.”

“It really did change me and it made me really pull back on what I shared and just how much I wanted to give because I saw how nasty everyone was and it felt so bad,” she said.

Even now, Kardashian said despite being more comfortable in her skin, she still struggles with how much of herself to share with the public.

“There is definitely a side of me that’s like, ‘Be who you want to be and post what you want to post,'” she said. “Then there’s the other side of me that’s like, ‘Oh, I’m a mom, I’m 40, I gotta chill.'”

“I definitely wrestle with that idea in my mind,” the reality star added.

source: people.com